I just awoke from a dream that I had 7 newborn children who were inanimate objects. One was a drawing of me with a man’s body, one was an invoice booklet, and a few of them were pieces of pizza. I accidentally killed one of my pizza slice babies because I neglected to breastfeed it before putting it in the oven.
July 28th, 2010
I've never seen Gummo before, but in my dream I watched it, and it was about a neglected black cat named Gummo, who you find out at the end of the movie was actually an iPhone. The movie starred Alec Baldwin and Kelly Ripa.
January 3rd, 2012
Last night’s weird dream: Dr. Seuss tattoos all over both legs after I asked for Dr Seuss tattoos all over only one leg. A terrible nightmare.
July 28th, 2012
Obama was visiting a sick kid at this ranch house I lived at with my family and he had film crews with him. Everyone was nervous and trying to get on camera, which Obama clearly found annoying, so I just hung back and watched. Later, I accidentally caught him taking a ciggarette break. We ended up sitting on the ground in the driveway drinking and laughing for hours. When he had to leave, I asked if I could get a picture of us, but then I said, "You know what, Mr President? I don't wanna take a picture of us just to get a bunch of likes on facebook. I think it would really cheapen our friendship." And he laughed and said, "Jamaica Cole, you're alright."
January 9th, 2013
In my dream, I took a bus to see kittens stacked in pyramids, lapping at milk as it flowed over them, fountain style.
March 16th, 2013
A very aloof, affected girl was trying to get onto an airplane with her dog. The flight attendant told her she couldn't bring the dog and she scoffed and replied, "Umm... well, Marc Jacobs gave me this dog".
May 8th, 2013
A dream of endless love for the blanket I was sleeping under.
June 17th, 2013
In my dream I received a box set of Weird Al produced movies starring Bill Murray. Half of them were children's movies and the other half were really fucked up adult films, but it was a series, so you had to watch them all in order.
October 12th, 2013
I was working on the set of a buddy comedy film adaptation of Moby Dick starring Steve Martin. It was called "Spimm and Irving".
April 10th, 2014
In my dream a bratty 13 year old kid tried to mug me and in response I started punching him in the face over and over, but I was standing too far back and my punches only nudged his nose and cheek and he just looked annoyed. It was very unsatisfying.
February 25th, 2014
I planted bananas in my backyard and they grew with Chiquita stickers on them.
February 18th, 2015
Had a dream I tried crack last night and was unimpressed.
July 11, 2016
A dream this morning of searching the city desperately for a short curly blond wig for my Halloween costume on Halloween evening. I came out of the last costume shop empty handed and saw that someone had stolen the basketball trophy hood ornament off of my car, and so I replaced it with a plastic Casper ghost head. I then stood back and nodded in approval at how seasonally appropriate it was.
September 21, 2016
In the middle of the night I awoke from a dream in which I was asking Lauren about somebody's divorced parents.
"Why does she refuse to see him?", I asked.
She responded, "Cuz she would only want to run into him in 1979 when they were in love and he would be willing to run into her at any old clown rest stop."
February 2nd, 2017
I was riding in the backseat of a car at night with Natalie. We looked out the window and saw a glowing blue beam coming down through the clouds. It grew in size, and we gasped when a silver disc lowered down into view. The light coming from it intensified and we were terrified until the disc lowered further and revealed itself to be the top part of a monstrous tube of toothpaste, shooting sparkling blue light down on the landscape in an epic Colgate ad.